“This is a serious matter, Mr. Hobbs,” the man said. He was balding, bespectacled, and undeniably nervous. A nonentity. The business card he’d presented introduced him as Jeremy Cleburne.

Hobbs steepled his fingers together. He didn’t often sit at the antique desk, but he enjoyed the classic position of power it afforded him. He knew his features were saturnine and his profile aristocratic – mirrors were useless, true, but he had portraits – and he enjoyed playing into the stereotype. Watching a mortal squirm before a nice solid desk was always fun. “No doubt it is.”

Mr. Cleburne shuffled a briefcase and looked between Hobbs and the chairs in front of the heavy desk as if seeking permission to sit. Hobbs merely raised an eyebrow. Cleburne chose the chair to the left and sat. “You have errors in your personal tax returns dating back” – he eyed a paper he’d pulled from the case balanced on his knees – “over 50 years? Apologies, sir. I expect that’s a typo.”

Hobbs’s current identity had been in use for a scant fifteen years, so the man was correct. “The financial manager responsible for these errors was only in my employ for five years. He has been dismissed and will no longer be an issue.” The embezzler had been eaten, to be precise, but Cleburne didn’t need to know those unfortunate details.

“That’s beyond the scope of this audit,” Cleburne said, pushing his glasses back into place. “Whether the errors are accidental, deliberate, or made by a third party is inconsequential. You’re still personally liable for any resulting penalties and interest.”

Hobbs shrugged. The vast majority of bureaucrats could be dismissed with a large enough sum. “Simply tell me the amount I owe, and I will pay you immediately.” He impatiently tapped the cover of his old-fashioned checkbook.

Cleburne leaned forward. “We can’t determine the amount owed without thoroughly examining your financial records. That’s what an audit is, sir.”

Hobbs experienced an unfamiliar sinking feeling. Was that a trickle of fear? Perhaps it had been an error to eat the sole person who knew where all of those records were, let alone what they contained. “You cannot simply give me an estimate?”

Cleburne shook his head. “No, we need to verify details from every return in question. Digital records are preferable, but paper is fine. I expect the process to take weeks with returns as complex as yours, Mr. Hobbs.”

“Weeks?” Hobbs felt faint.

“Months, if I’m being honest.” Cleburne peered into his case and extracted another sheet of paper. “This is the team I’ll be working with. We’ll need access to any location where records are kept as well as a workspace here in your home, as you requested we meet here. Thank you for your cooperation, Mr. Hobbs.” He clasped the case shut and stood.

Hobbs could eat one pesky auditor and get away with it, but an entire team would be unthinkable. Bloody hell. He couldn’t avoid this audit. There was no way out.

• Apologies: I didn’t intend to disappear for six months. To be frank, I haven’t been well. I’m not promising a set schedule for now; I’m just going to post when I have something to share.
• I’m currently participating in the 12 Short Stories in 12 Months challenge from Deadlines for Writers. This is good practice! I enjoy writing flash fiction and full-length novels, but have always struggled with regular short stories. (The story I shared above technically is flash fiction, but it came from one of the challenge prompts. Most of the required word counts are higher than this.)
• I’ve read so many great books lately that I probably ought to do a whole “oops, all recs” post. One quick rec for today: I really enjoyed Haunt Sweet Home by Sarah Pinsker. It’s a short cozy horror novel about a young woman with a job on an interesting paranormal reality TV show. It’s really beautifully written and such a nice take on the “fake haunting becomes real” trope. Highly recommend! (And let’s be honest: I’d totally watch the story’s TV show if it were real.)

Enough for today. It probably won’t take me half a year to post again. (Hopefully.) OKAY, BYE! 🖤