Whether you call a magical practitioner a sorcerer, a wizard, or a witch, there’s a terrible stereotype floating around. Folks believe people who work magic live in cluttered, dank places with unspeakable things piled in the corners. I’m here to present you with an unpleasant truth: Sometimes they do!

Magical objects tend to accumulate regardless of your space’s size; anything from a tiny hovel on a lonely moor to a spacious medieval castle can become crowded and untidy. Be honest with yourself. When was the last time you brought home a packet of asafoetida powder to assist in banishing an unwelcome demon only to find three partially used packets gathering dust in your cupboard? Do you have so many talismans that you’ve forgotten which are dedicated to which cthonic god? Are the floors in your workshop clear? A summoning circle during a great working is dangerous enough without any tripping hazards!

I used to run into all of those problems and more. I was drowning in a sea of scrying bowls and suffocating under a pile of musty spellbooks! I muddled along until one day I mixed up a black tourmaline for a piece of obsidian and was nearly killed by conjuring the wrong malevolent spirit. I decided to never put myself in such a precarious position again! At first, I tried magical means to tidy my workspace, but as we all know, “The Sorcerer’s Apprentice” demonstrates a very real hazard in our business. Unfortunately, after a great deal of reading and some trial and error, I determined that nothing other than mundane effort would clean my magical workshop and keep it organized.

Now I help other occultists clean up their spaces. Today, I’m going to teach you a simple three-part spell to whip even the messiest dungeon into shape.

I call my method the CBAs of Tidy Occultism: Codify, Banish, and Arrange.

Step One: Codify
You can’t decide what to keep and where to store it if you don’t have a clear picture of what you already have. Start by sorting like with like: Put all the skulls in one pile, blood stone amulets in another, and ceremonial daggers in a single heap. If you keep spell components in more than one place in your home or workshop, be sure to sort by category and not location. (We’ll figure out the best locations to keep items in another step.) You may keep candles you intend to use right away near your altar, but have extras stashed in cubbies or in a trunk. Gather them all together. Do this for every type of object in your magical workspace. It may feel overwhelming, especially if you do keep items in more than one area. No need to panic and summon a dark god to annihilate the mountains of occult stuff you’ve accumulated! Go gradually and take your time. Like reversing a hex, it may look worse before it gets better.

Step Two: Banish
Once you’ve gathered your categorized items together, you can begin to purge. Do you really need four bottles of newt’s eyes? Maybe not. If you have several cauldrons but only use one, do you need to keep the others? You may find it helpful to set up three containers to sort your items: One for items to keep, one for items that will be re-homed, and a receptacle for rubbish. You may wish to toss banished items directly into the void if you maintain an active portal in your workspace, but a trash bin also works. It’s okay to keep sentimental items like your first Hand of Glory, but objects you aren’t using and aren’t emotionally attached to should be sent on their unholy way. You can donate or give away anything that’s still useful. Think of how many apprentices are out there looking for good magical components. Maybe you never found a good spot for your profane statue of Dagon, but plenty of worshippers just starting out would love to make a quality idol the centerpiece of their home altar! True, some choices will be easier than others. If something is cursed or broken, it’s easy to toss. Your favorite items and the objects you use most will also be simple to pick out from the rest. You don’t have to be ruthless, but try to be honest. Do you really need to keep every parchment with every Sumerian invocation you’ve ever come across? If you absolutely cannot decide whether to keep something, designate a “maybe” container to revisit in six months or a year. If you don’t need anything from the box during that time (or can’t remember what you put in it), there’s your answer. After you’ve pared down, you’ll be left with only your best and most useful magical supplies.

Step Three: Arrange
Now it’s time to assign a home for everything you have left! When possible, store items where you use them – and store the most used items in the easiest to access spaces. You may realize at this stage that you need a few new storage containers or some risers for your shelves. Although I recommend using what you have on hand first, it’s fine to purchase a few organizers. The yellow-garbed acolytes of IKEA don’t need to know you’re using that new VISSLAÅN bin to store the fingernail clippings of your enemies, after all. Shelve all of your scrolls and ancient tomes, arrange your herbal cabinet, hang up your ceremonial robes, polish your remaining statuary, and make a grateful blood sacrifice to the Dark Ones. Think of the magical mayhem you will be able to wreak now that you have such a tidy and functional space for conjuration!

Please note: Just as long-term spellwork requires ongoing attention, magical organization requires maintenance. I know we’re all tempted by each new diabolical grimoire and every jar of cryptid teeth we come across, but realistically, storage space is limited. Try to maintain a one in, one out system to balance influx with outgo. I know many of us are possessed by the soul of the magpie (some genuinely, some metaphorically) but we really don’t need to bring home every single shiny object we see. Be mindful of your ultimate aims. Although some creative disorder can help with spellcraft, lost ingredients and forgotten charms hinder effective magical working. Do more chanting to the infernal shades and less chanting to retrieve misplaced items.

Let’s clean up our magical spaces and take over the world! (Literally.)

• DEADx is my running October gag, but in case you’re new or have forgotten, it stands for “Diabolic, Eldritch, Arcane, and Darkness.”
• I actually am a member of The American Society of Professional Organizers in real life. I haven’t had to organize a magical dungeon yet, but never say never!
• We had our Zoom-o-ween party early this year, and I was Mothman. Maybe a Mothman rather than the Mothman? But either way, I had some great antennae.

I’ll send another story on Friday. OKAY, BYE! 🖤